Never take anyone for granted.
Its funny how I think of you every time I’m so happy and I end up crying because of the flashbacks that haunt me right after remembering you. My wounds are still fresh and yes, I still look back at our sweet and cute conversations at Facebook. I don’t even know why I’m writing this but I want you to know that I’m happy and sad. I don’t know how that’s even possible but yeah, happy and sad. Oh yeah, that sounds so Perks of Being a Wallflower-ish.
I think about you in the most random moments and there are times when reality slaps me in the face and makes me realize that you’re gone and you’re never coming back. I still long for you voice, your kisses and your tight hugs; the way you call me in the middle of my classes and the way you insist that my name is in French and also the way you sing karaoke even if you can’t really reach the right notes.
At times, I try to make up scenarios in my head and I try to look back on the day when you wanted to see me and Kuya because you were confined at the hospital. I keep on thinking about what could have happened if I was beside you when your heart rate went to a flat line - I could have held your hand when the doctors were reviving your heart or I could have sat beside you if that could ease the pain. I know I could have done something. Life never was easy for our family but in the latter years, I know that the love you made Kuya & I feel was genuine.
I wish I could turn back time but I can’t. I miss you every day. :(
Forever your only girl,
I’m completely aware that you can hit me in the face anytime of the day - you could haunt me first thing in the morning and you could keep me awake during midnight but I want to let you know that I’m ready for you. I might cry or tear up again when you attack but I assure you, I’ll be stronger than I am now and when that happens the next time you come back, I’d be smiling instead of crying. There’s quite a number of events running through my mind right now and I miss my Mom so bad but you can’t make me cry anymore. I’m stronger now.
Love, Niki. ♡